Fear of Fear Itself.

I have written about procrastination before (Putting off til tomorrow... oops it's today) I started seriously thinking about the short story An Eye for Detail around 24th May. I wrote down some ideas and then sat on it. I did some research and then sat on it. I used several excuses to put off starting. 

• I just need a little more research
• I can't find the words for the perfect opening paragraph
• I want to let it all settle, to let the story bubble away so that it will all make sense later
• I need to get the house work done
• my other work has been stressful and I have to relax
• what if no one likes the way I write 

Sometimes it is genuine writers' block. Sometimes the story genuinely has to bubble away for a while to allow the characters to develop so that the plot can form but I can't always use this as an excuse. Sometimes the housework does need doing... but I can't always use this as an excuse either. 

I sat down earlier this week and tried to analyse the real reason behind my procrastination (I can't speak for other writers but suspect that the following is probably a universal one)

• the fear of an empty page and writers' block
• what if it is just really bad /fear of rejection 
• If I have lots of time, it should be perfect. If I have little time, then I have an excuse for it not being perfect.

In essence it is fear. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear of fear itself. 

I have read several times now, you can't call yourself a writer unless you actually, well... write! Don't worry if it is not fantastic, mind-blowing prose. The best piece of advice I have read was: Anything is better than nothing. If nothing else, it is learning the discipline of extracting words, from the mind, to describe the thoughts and ideas that reside there.  Recently, when I have had a block and started to procrastinate, I have tried writing something else. I have written about a random writing exercise in  Practice, Practice, Practice. Even this blog is a form of practicing the discipline of writing, as it provides me with a regular deadline. (even if the writing is not perfect).

Once committed to paper (or word processor), these words can be filed away or reworked. They can be used as notes or starting points, when a writers' block hits, in the future or used as part of a larger project. If they are not committed into readable words, then they are just that - an idea.  I am getting a box full of handwritten notes and a whole computer folder of 'use later?' and 'utter crap'. (Yes, they are actually named that).

I have also read (paraphrased here) that many people say they want to write but don't actually put pen to paper (or finger to the keyboard). Others start writing and then stop, never to finish any project. The second best advice I have read was: You can only call yourself a writer if you finish the story! When I am having a bad writing day, I keep telling myself this.  So when did I call myself a writer? I stuck to this definition and only dained to call myself a writer when I had finished a few stories and sent them off. (though I have also read since then, that blogs count in this definition). 

I often think of the above when I start procrastinating. Truthfully, is doesn't always get me off my butt. What it does is to remind me that I am not alone in my struggles. It gives me inspiration to write... something. Anything.  

Finally three weeks later, I am on the downhill slide and this short story is almost done. During this time, I have written down an idea for another short story, finished a section of an art project that I have (not surprisingly) put off and completed a first draft of another short story. I have now managed 2973 words, a spell check, a major edit, three minor re-edits and four proofreads (hopefully with the last one to go) of An Eye for Detail.  

It is due to be emailed out by the 20th so I have another week for the final stage. Fear of rejection. Every time I reach this stage of a short story, I start wondering if it will be good enough. I balk at the possibility of rejection. I then think of my two mantas (outlined above), yet again. 

Anything is better than nothing; it will never be perfect. and

You can only call yourself a writer if you finish  the story!

Within the next two days, I will regain my resolve, boosted with the above advise, and email the story. If I don't, I cannot call myself a writer and the dream will  dissolve. I would love another 1000 words to fill it out more but I am restricted with the word limit of 3000. I am content with the imperfect version I have now. I have come to terms with the fact that the story will never be perfect. I will keep the character development and interaction rather than re-writing and adding more detective stuff. It my choice. 

The competition is really just an excuse to give me a deadline and a spark for an idea. Ironically, I write because I enjoy it; I write because I have to. 

Yet I still procrastinate.

Fashioning a Scroll and a Short Story

Wednesday was a busy day. Firstly, there was some housework was finished. Once the domestic chores were done, I could work on some things that were more fun. (My mother always said I had to finish my chores and homework first).

I have been procrastinating. Yes, I admit it. I have mentioned a scroll that I have been working on in my post The Makings of an Almost Period Patent of Arms.  I had finished the pencil sketch  and inked up the design, almost two weeks ago. Following several practices, I decided I really should 'bite the bullet' and finish the calligraphy. Calligraphy makes me nervous. If I make a mistake at this point, I have to redo the entire scroll. Or, in this case, the matching pair. It is like getting the nerve to take the first cut on expensive material. What if I screw it up?!

After a cup of tea, I finally found the courage and spent two hours writing the calligraphed text with a nib pen. I am now waiting for the two items to dry and I will have to do a little touching up. It was nerve wracking but finally it is complete. I am leaving this project for a few days now, so I can recover. However, the next phase is the painting. I love the painting. Such fun!!!

Project two: 

I have a few more short stories I am hoping to complete this month, all being well in the creative department. I had a quick look over An Eye for Detail. Did a quick edit and plan to return to it this weekend for final editing as it is due on the 20th. 

While I was catching up on some television during my break, I caught a really, really bad conspiracy documentary. It was actually quite entertaining and proved to be a great relaxation tool (probably not what the maker had intended though). There was one line that caught my imagination. Then a random sentence from a bit of research sparked an idea to match up with that line... 

An hour of research, a few hours of writing later and I have just finished 1117 words of the first draft of a short story titled Fashioned in Black. Hopefully this can be molded into something useful. If so, this is earmarked for one of the open themed short story competitions due at the end of the month.  

Practice, Practice, Practice. An impromptu writing exercise.

I noticed, dear readers, that many of you prefer gorey Vampires to Victorian stories. Hopefully you will like today's offering.
As today is my 100th blog post (partying will ensue later)... I give you a full story.

Yesterday, my friend Alonya and I were chatting away online.. I was supposed to be writing; she was supposed to be studying. She proposed some fun and started off a story. Some of you will probably recognise it as a form of writing exercise. Each person writes a sentence or paragraph and the next person is left to take up the story. Here is the result, published with permsission: My words are marked by 'K' and Alonya's with 'A'. 

Kitty versus the Zombies.(named post-writing)

A:  High on the seventh floor in an apartment on the other side of the country...

K: a cat pushed its way through the cat flap to find its owner lying face down in a pool of blood most inconveniently having had knocked over the food bowl.

A: On her neck was 3 claw marks...

K: suprisingly large for the small cats that frequented the abode.

A: But she had been researching claw marks for her writing and had discovered that cats have 5 claws on each front paw and 4 on each back foot.

K: Hmmm... thought the cat. I must really find a new residence. This one is getting too crowded.

A: However that cat upon trying to leave the residence found that the unusual sized door was in fact locked, thus trapping it inside alone with the dead owner.
K: There was a murmuring behind her. She turned to see her owner staring at her with blank eyes, clawing her way slowly along the floor towards where she sat.

A: Thought the cat. Here we could have some fun.

K: Maybe I should point out that it was sheep's brains in the food bowl.

A: As she nimbly jumped over the slow moving owner to a vantage point high above the shambling mound that once fed her...

K: ... she knocked over the candle that had been carelessly left alight.

A: As the wax dripped onto the floor the owner realised that the fire from the candle was something to be feared. The cat also was fearful of fire as had all animals been since the dawn of time.

K: Luckily, the owner had a habit of leaving the window open. Now if only she could guarantee landing on her feet, from the seventh floor!

A: The cat leaped out of the window in a single graceful movement to discover that the window lead to the balcony overlooking the river.

K: She glanced behind her. She would miss being fed and cuddled but there were many more (less-Zombiefied) owners in the world. That is what crazy cat ladies were for.

A: Scanning the area from the vantage point, the cat saw there was another balcony, just a short jump from her own balcony. Knowing that the other balcony was owned by another feeder that liked cats and would provide a sunny spot for sleeping and a full food bowl.

K: She could now smell the faint odour of burning flesh and hoped she could insinuate herself into the new household before the flames really took hold.

A: Upon landing on the wall of the balcony, she was immediately confronted by a large figure dressed in a shiny set of clothing unlike she had ever seen before. Kicking up her haunches ready to pounce, the shiny figure started to slowly move towards her.

Clank, clank, clank.

K: The cat, having led a relatively sheltered life until now, had never seen medieval (oid) armour before. Mind you, she had never encountered a zombie before either. This would really be something to tell the grand kids!

"Kitty!" cooed the metal encased stranger.

A:The armoured hand reached out towards the cat, hand opened. As the hand came closer she heard her name coming from the other seventh floor apartment.

K:  The cat blinked sweetly at the helmeted face. Hi, I am Kitty it thought. I don't know who that strange non-person is calling.

A: Kitty launched herself at the figure, all claws unsheathed ready to catch on as she landed.

K: As she glided through the doorway, into the new apartment, the figure lifted it's visor to reveal blank staring eyes and a drooling grin. 

Oh, f...! thought Kitty, as she twisted to avoid the armoured figure and landed inside the apartment. She looked up to see a sea of zombified faces looking at her....

A: Letting out a screeching yelp she launched herself in an all out panic streaking through the slow moving legs of the gathered zombies.

K: By chance, the last zombie to arrive to the gathering had left the front door open. Kitty barreled towards the door, sliding into the hallway and towards the lift. Smoke was starting to seep out of her old apartment, a thin layer collecting in the hallway. The door rattled and then opened. 

Flaming zombies! Kitty screeched as her ex-owner and her new friends shuffled through the smoke towards her.

A: At that moment, the lift door opened.

K: Kitty headed to the lift, the zombie hoarde following determinedly. She jumped into the lift. After what seemed several lifetimes, the doors slid shut, severing one of the probing zombie hands as it left the rest behind.

A: But Kitty realised she had a problem. With the doors closed behind her, she had no idea how to make the magical box work.

K: She could hear the scraping on the door of the box as it sat there for a few minutes. There was a sudden shudder as the lights on the wall lit up and flickered. The box started moving...

A: Down. Kitty realised that the box was falling. Crouched into the corner of the box she waited. With her ears flat, tail all fluffy, she waited. For the impact of the box. Suddenly the dropping stopped and the doors opened with a woosh. She could feel fresh air on her sensitive nose.

K:

She turned back towards the apartment building, now engulfed in flames. She decided apartment living was not for her; too many zombies. She walked off with her dignity intact, to find a crazy cat lady, preferably one that was very much alive.

------

It was a fun afternoon. This sort of writing exercise keeps me on my toes, not knowing where the story will lead. Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thanks Alonya!

(My first zombie story)

The Social Side of Marketing

Networking is a buzz word that has been around for some time now. First we had business networking, giving professionals the opportunity to create and act on business opportunities. Perfect for growing your company or business. Very quickly networking became a social phenomenon spawning Blogger, Livejournal, Facebook, Tumblr and Twitter. 

Mark Zuckerberg would probably love it if you thought that networking was a modern construct but Victorians had it down to an art form. From a girl's Debut, the social circuit involved balls and opportunities to find a suitor. The Freemasons were adept at socio-economic networking, taking it to an international level which still exists today.  Victorian Visiting cards were used to show social standing and governed, as everything in the Victorian era, by complicated and strict rules and etiquette.

Whether it is social or professional, networking is one of the best ways to 'spread the word'. In my other-professional life, I have learnt the importance of word of mouth networking. Nothing beats it for advertising! For twenty-six years my loyal client numbers have grown, by word of mouth. I have one family of regulars who now span three generations and many that span two.  

Now, as I try to grow my reborn vocation as writer and artist, I am networking in new ways. These days that also includes social networks. I have the traditional website: Karen Carlisle Creations. I am told it is old school, as it does not allow for social interaction. These days, more interactive format is required as well. Social networking is a must to be known. 

I have business cards that I hand out to people who are interested. Yesterday, my neighbour popped in for a social visit. He has a new job and the byproduct of the visit, was networking his new postition... just in case. No problem! I suggested he mention me to any of his friends that might need t-shirts and directed him to Redbubble.

Currently, I have a Facebook page Karen Carlisle Creations/ Off the Artboard/ Katdb, encompassing my differing artistic personas - both professional and re-enactment - where I can provide updates on current projects and products. I have this blog Off the Artboard, as a tool for both practicing and showcasing my writing skills. It also allows me to discuss my creative processes in my varied projects. It allows me to share a little of myself with you, dear reader. 

For, these days, share and network we must. Artists have to compete with cheaper factory lines (and unfortunately rip offs as well). Our ammunition is networking. So go forth, dear reader. If you like what you read, if you like what you see, share this with your friends. 

Organising and Collating and Tigers - oh my!

I have so much on my plate right now. I have 3 commissions - all in the creative phase, one short story on final edits, three independant ideas, two short stories I am hoping to finish in this month, up to four next month, as well as two scrolls for my re-enactment group. Time for some slowing down and organising what needs to be done by when...

Now an hour later and I have a list of competitions and magazine 'call' deadlines that I would like to complete. There are twelve in all. Eek! They vary from one thousand to five thousand words in preferred length. As I mentioned yesterday, I have three story ideas already on the boil. Two are independent of the above list. The real challenge is to come up with something fresh and new for each individual story. Though I really love the open themes, I like the challenge in creating a story to a set theme. This could actually prove useful with the number of stories I wish to attempt over the past few months. 

Though not as gut-wrenching as the book culling process or the story editing process, I have had to make some decisions today. Gone (for now) is a story I have been looking forward to. It will not fit any of the soon -to-be-due themes and I will definately need longer than the allotted word limit for the others. However, the idea will continue to bubble in the background so all is not at a loss for it. One competition I would like to enter, may not happen. It is one of the longer ones (at up to five thousand words) but is due at the end of the month. I have an idea for it but if I cannot get it finished, edited and polished in time, I will not enter it. As this is an annual competition,  I can always work on it for next year. 

After a hiatus, I can also finally get cracking at two original design scrolls. I have mentioned these in a previous blog, in April, but had to wait until some details were finalised. Now that they have been, I can continue. However, I will need to find a light table that I can borrow, or use the 'old tape on the window on a sunny day' trick. Look for future posts on guache, calligraphy and ink work in the near future. I have three weeks to complete this project. The design work is done so it is just a matter of applying it. 

The tigers?

They could appear in one of the short stories I have planned... but that would be telling... 

Short stories and pleasing the characters...

I am currently 2500 words into a 3500 word short story. The theme was 'gaslamp' leaving the actually story open from there. I am a big fan of traditional 'gaslight' movies such as Hitchcock's Gaslight, with Ingrid Bergman, and have been tinkering with steampunk short stories, so a gaslamp short story was very far from either genre. 

For those of you are not sure what 'gaslamp' fiction is, let me enlighten you. Gaslamp fiction is one sub-genre of speculative fiction - a term now commonly used to describe fantasy, steampunk or science fiction, amongst others. Some have also called Gaslamp fiction, Gaslight romance or Gaslight fantasty.  It is a form of historical fantasy, often set in the Victorian (and sometimes Edwardian) era , though it is (not so) subtly different. The main identifying feature of gaslamp is the supernatural theme or characters. There is a Gothic fiction influence, often with an alternative history storyline. Though Steampunk is usually more science/gadget related though there can be a significant overlap with lines often blurred.

Sometime ago, I started a gaslamp short story which had quickly evolved into more of a dectective, psychological story, more gaslight than gaslamp. I had decided to complete the gaslight short story and write a gaslamp one later... but something was still missing. I had been trying to work out how to get from point A to point B in the allotted word limit and failing miserably. The characters refused to oblige me and the detective insisted on required clues and explanations. I left it for four months, as I could not get the story to coalesce cohesively and result in a satisfying ending.

Last week, I reivisited the original story again. The possibility of a the alternative gaslamp short story had already been swimming in my head but the ideas (again) were not wanting to mesh together. But... when just one character (of the original story) took on a more gaslamp characterisation, suddenly the story fell into place. All the clues, the characters and the storyline all made sense. Obviously the characters had wanted to be part of a gaslamp story all along!

Already, I have managed to trim much of the excess storyline. Now it will (hopefully) fit the required minimum words. I may even have enough ideas, from the edited sections, for a second short story, with the same character. I will revisit this again possibly Friday but am feeling much more confident in the story's direction. My characters are much happier (and having more fun) too.

What Skills Shall we Forgo?

Yesterday, we attended a meeting at our child's school so a new computer tablet could be allocated. This  will be used for classes for the rest of the year. This reminded me of a news article, from earlier in the year where 45 states in the US have changed their school curricullum guidelines,  so that handwriting is not a priority. http://naturalsociety.com/how-cursive-writing-affects-brain-development/

http://www.corestandards.org/ELA-Literacy

Everything I have learnt and experienced makes this simple, and seemingly innocuous, statement set off alarm bells. As a trained optometrist, I have learnt that fine-motor skills are part of the learning process and when they are skipped, this can cause problems.  In the long term, we may find that it does not make a difference but some studies have used MRIs to show that there may be some cause for concern about the cognitive development of our children. In the study, children who had actually handwritten the letters showed more advanced neural activity than those who had not, supporting the theory that handwriting can improve expression, composition and fine motor skills.  

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704631504575531932754922518.html  

On a practical note, I found that it much easier to learn and retain information at University, when I wrote out notes rather than just highlighting it. If I drew diagrams, I could recall them; if I just studied them, my recall was not as accurate. I also find my writing style is different when typing as opposed to when I am  handwriting. I get more ideas when handwriting. If I am stuck for an ending or for a plot twist or segue, I shut the computer and pick up my pen. If I am writing a more logical article, editing or polishing a story or post, I work on the computer. 

While tablets are going to help with creative use of innovative technology and possibly of learning to work independantly, I am grateful that Australian schools have not replaced learning to read and write via handwriting with typing technology. I still believe this is a very important part of our children's development and allows them to use varied areas of the brain at an earlier age. My personal opinion is that handwriting is an important step in creative and cognitive learning. 

We won't really see the results of the US state's decisions until the current generation has left school but if they are using tablets, maybe the dreaded ipad can be useful than a standard computer and keyboard. At least the touch screen allows the user to manipulate the hand for drawing or electronic handwriting, to form the letters, instead of only typing. I may have to revisit this post in another five to ten years to find out the results of the changing times. 

For those wanting further information on studies, this is also an interesting read: 

http://cdn.intechopen.com/pdfs/9927/InTech-Digitizing_literacy_reflections_on_the_haptics_of_writing.pdf

What a wonderful world.

Most people just see the world as just the stuff that surrounds them. The streets are just streets. Unknown people are just there, sometimes annoying. Plants are just greenery. They have not looked up to the sky and seen a building for more than its street level and doorways.  Such a pity. There is so much more to the world around us! 

There is a wonderful photographer who specialises in urban scapes which he photographs at night (usually about 3 or 5am!) giving the most beautiful colours and haunting scapes. I love his work and he inspires me to do more urban work. You can see some of his work on his FB page: https://www.facebook.com/waynegrivellartandphotography?fref=ts

The buildings that surround us, particularly here in Adelaide, have so much history. My family are getting used to me stopping and just looking up to see what some of the buildings reveal as they tower above us. I took this photo some time ago. It shows the contrast of our city.  Another was taken, while (my husband was) driving under an overpass that is currently being built. 

It pays to actually look at the world around you.  There are some beautiful and unique visions that are only there for a second and possibly only seen by you! 

A recent trip to the cinema, at Marion prompted me to borrow my husband's phone again. On arrival, we found that the New York bar and grill has changed  ands and is now a Cafe Primo but the architecture still stands (I don't know for how long). How often have moviegoers or shoppers just stopped to look at the retro signage, with that Disneyland feel. Unfortunately, the camera does not do justice to the intenseness of the red circle light. On leaving, I saw the reflection of the sunset , in our car bonnet. two pictures later and the red was faded. Gone forever.

I remembered my SLR for a picnic yesterday. Even such mundane things as food, can become an interesting image.

Finally, look at the wonders of nature that surround you. The tree was a mass of colour and texture. The huge flock of cockatoos took flight, during our BBQ picnic... reminding me of the Hitchcock movie Birds.   

I must admit I am often caught out seeing something that is begging to be photographed, and I don't have my SLR with me. Realistically, I cannot take it everywhere.  It does not matter what equipment is used. Just about everyone has an android or iphone, these days - most of which have decent cameras on them. There are even websites set up specifically for the new area of photography that is growing and gaining some respect in the traditional world - coined iphonography. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IPhoneography

There is a flickr group specifically for iphone users: http://www.flickr.com/groups/iphoneography/

The world is a beautiful and interesting place. If only we have the eyes to see. 

Writing and Other Pastimes

I have been contemplating entering short story competitions for a few months now. Finally, I feel brave enough to officially enter my first short  story competition, in decades. I have had articles published before but these had a vaguely factual basis which I found much easier to keep under a 2000 words limit. Draft one of a short story was finished yesterday and I did some rewriting some more on it today. Thank goodness for friends who can give constructive criticism. My short story is now on its third round of proof reading and I am looking at (hopefully) my final draft.

This competition has been a challenge for me. The word limit is 1500 words. While I can easily average 1000 words for articles, blog enteries or 'lifestyle' articles, most short stories I have written average over 3000 words. The challenge is to learn to cull unnecessary parts of the story, honing my skill in editing and learning to restrict the use of my commas! Writing this blog has given me more practice at writing shorter pieces and has been instrumental in finally preparing me to enter some prose for judging. (So thank you, dear readers, for reading my posts!)

Writing a blog is one thing but entering a competition is completely different. I have entered many art competitions, over the years, but this will be the first prose competition that I have entered since high school. I must admit I have some major butterflies. For years, I have been relatively confident in my artwork, enough to lay it bare for competitoin judges for critque. Writing, like any art, effectively lays ones soul bare to the reader. People I do not know, have not met and probably never will, get an insight into my thoughts.  

This leads me to my biggest fear (and, from what I read, many writer's fear) of rejection. What if it is not good enough? What if it is utter rubbish? What if it is just put aside due to genre preference of the judges? ... what if? 

I read an article, by a published Australian author, this year. It was very helpful, possibly one of the most helpful articles I have read in a while. It said simply, write. If you don't write, you cannot call yourself a writer.  If it is utter crap, don't worry. Continue to write. Practice writing. Try to write (or read) 1500 words a day. That article led me to creating this blog. It has provided me with a regular writing platform, to practice some of my 1500 words per day. It has given me the confidence and courage to contemplate entering a competition!

I am now eyeing off two more competitions, both of which have a limit of just 2000 words. I find this is the most difficult length for me to write. More is needed to fill out the story, but there is not enough room to get into too much depth. I can see that my editing skills are going to really get a work out. I work better to deadlines though, so I am looking forward to taking on the further challenge. Hopefully, I will rise up to the task. Maybe then I will be brave enough to try some flash fiction (maximum 500 words) ... now that would be a challenge!

Culling actually means cutting my heart out

This weekend, we scored 127 second hand books, from the local library book sale, for the princely sum of $40 in toto. Bargain! I am a sucker for booksales, particularly second hand books as I get more bang for my buck. Second hand stores, garage sales, online book stores such as Brotherhood books are like honey to me, and I am the ant.

There is, however, always a catch. Four years ago, we had a room extension, added to our house, so we could fit the boxes and piles of books, we already had. Currently we have 13 stand alone bookshelves, about 3 boxes and several piles of books... not including the 4 bags we purchased this weekend. What a happy predicament to be in... and what a gut wrenching one. 

At this moment, I am staring at tens of piles of books, all arranged in author or genre, all waiting for their new place amongst our old favourites. And here is the rub; all of those books are favourites. With limited space, we have to cull some of our existing stash but where to start? This is where I have to admit that I have cheated and started with our daughters library of books. 

Gone are the early readers and (most of) the picture books. (There are some picture books that I just cannot part with.) Gone are the chapter books. (again, most of them. There are some our daughter won't part from... yet). These once loved books are now destined to become the loved, and possibly favourite, books of our friend's younger children. 

Now comes the mammoth task of culling our beloved books, some of which I have had for almost forty years! We have made some rules:  

Rule 1: Gone are the multiple copies. We have found five already and are likely to find more, having put off this when my husband and I got together. With similar tastes (as well as vastly differing ones as well), we are bound to find several double ups... Now that would make the process so much easier. I can only hope.

Rule 2: If we have forgotten we had them, and are unlikely to read them in the next 12 months, they go (unless they are classics like Jules Verne, HG Wells, Asimov etc or Beowulf or Agatha Christie or...... you get it). Generally, this will be some of those books we bought, read and thought, meh.

Rule 3: If it is a full series, it stays. If we have only managed a few, in the series, and not found the impetus to find the remainders, then we probably don't really have a craving to read them. This equates to gone.

Rule 4: Emotional attatchments work. I am keeping my Blue Moon Rising and Forgotten Realms and Susan Cooper books. So there.

Rule 5: No one touches the Pratchett, the Dresden Files or Doctor Who books (from the 70s and 80s). 

I think that may allow us to relocate some of our books but each one removed from the shelves (or boxes or piles) feels like a piece of my heart has been cut out.  I really hate being an adult sometimes. 

Photo: (c) Karen Carlisle, taken at Mortlock Wing of Adelaide Library

Pride and Restrictions

Yesterday, I had a Jane Austin fest - the full BBC miniseries of Pride and Prejudice. I have a soft spot for the clothing, especially those long, fluid coats worn by Mr D'Arcy! Sometimes, I long for a simpler time with  more manners and ettiquette, the romance of it all (I am a big softie really) and then I slowly remember the reality, of that era, and how lucky I am to be living in the twenty-first century.

I am the daughter of dairy farmer and lay-preacher's daughter. I would not have been a great catch if I had lived in the early 19th century; I would have not had the opportunity for a University education, due to my perceived social standing and the fact that I am a woman.   Modern medicine has allowed me to survive the birth of my daughter. My life is definately enhanced by being born in the twentieth century. 

Mr Bingley compliments, "All young ladies are accomplised. They sing, they draw, they dance, speak French and German, cover screens and I know not what". With such a list of accomplishments, I am feeling a little inadequate!  On the surface of it, had I been born in Jane Austin's time and been one of the privileged classes, I would have had the time to learn, practice and hone my skills at so many artistic things that I would love to at least try some day.  I could have gone beyond basic French, kept up my school German, be able to practice my drawing and photography more than part-time. I could spend more time embroidering and catch up on my reading. I could even try dancing. 

But at what cost?  Dig deeper, and we can see the restrictions woman had then. Today, I am blessed to live in time where I have so much more freedom. I can improve my 'lot in life' by education and work - both not available to most woman in Jane Austin's time. I have modern luxuries such as washing machines and vacuum cleaners to make my life easier. But I cannot have my cake and eat it too, as they say. I need to work, at least part-time, to afford the luxuries most of us have come to expect in the 21st century.

It is interesting how, in just a few centuries, things can change. In early 19th century, we read of women who felt trapped as that is all they could do. Today, I get told I am indulging myself too much, if I concentrate on my artwork.

I can only hope to follow such an extensive list of creative pursuits in my spare time and there are just not enough hours in the day. But, I do have the option to work, study and follow my artistic pursuits. Like everything, I need to work hard to afford to do the things I enjoy. I have started the slow climb, so that my creative pursuits may, one day, produce a decent income. Until then, won't give up my day job!

The makings of an almost period Patent of Arms.

I call it an 'almost period' Patent of Arms, as it this is almost like an unpaid commission for an individual, playing at re-creating Medieval and Renaissance times, living in a modern world. They have modern ideas and sensibilities. They have not grown up in the past, with all of the the ideas and cultural references that would have been everyday, say in the 1400s. So no matter how much I wish to recreate a perfectly accurate Award Scroll, by definition I am starting with a conundrum. A scroll is a rolled piece of parchment. What I am recreating is a modern document suitable for framing, to celebrate an achievement in a modern-day club, in the style of a six hundred plus old piece of scribe work. 

Yet, despite this, I find the whole process very fulfilling. Deciding on a style and designing and then creating, a homage to it. Firstly, I like to get an idea of the recipient, the colours they favour, any favourite images or totems (animals or plants etc), and whether they have a preferred era they like to 'play in'. This can cover from early, say Saxon, to late Elizabethan.   I need to get the feel of the form of the images, the layout, the colours and style of writing (calligraphy). This can only be done by looking at as many different versions that I can find.  Like most of my artistic ventures into a modern 'scroll' or 'patent of arms', it starts with research. Lots of research. 

Yesterday, I flipped  through a pile of my calligraphy/ illumination books and a few copies of Books of Hours, that I have at hand. I also trolled through the internet, trying to find a specific picture, that I KNOW I had seen somewhere. I did not find the specific one I was thinking of, but did find some adequate substitutes to get me started.

This project does have a few constraints, one of which is that it needs to be done in a short time. For this reason, I have decided to make it smaller than I usually do. Thus, I do not have to rush to fill a larger space. I would not be happy having to rush the painting portion as this is my favourite part and I do want to give my best effort for the recipients. This  also means that the calligraphy portion will cover less area - a bonus - as this does require more effort on my part. The standard script/wording also requires truncating, due to the smaller space available. This is still a work in progress.

The day ended with a definite size and basic layout which now requires a decision on the final decoration. The colours are mostly decided upon. I have sent a draft of the shorter version of the wording, after some help of friends, with possible translations.

I leave you with the layout and will elaborate, at another time, when more progress has been made on this project.

Rattle, Shake and Roll

Today I am rattled. I am dealing with stress again. I am about to return to part-time work, in my other professional guise, after months off. All of my relaxation techniques are being utilized today as I have a meeting with the Powers that Be. I tried to start writing my post last night but could not concentrate; I tried to do some sketching but my hand is shaking so the curves look shite.  

I spent yesterday doing some fact research for a speculative fiction story. I have to see if I can pull out some specific historical happenings to fit in with an alternative history I have planned for a major historical figure. This follows on from some ideas that I jotted down, a few weeks back; a good thing coming out of a bad night's sleep. I was originally going to set the story in his timeline but am thinking I may move him forward and see what happens and how it would effect him (and history) when he returns. I am on a roll! I now have 9 pages of notes, just on the original historical path, and more on some plot ideas that I would dearly love to be able to fit into the puzzle.

I am planning on some endorphine-producing hard work digging in the garden after my meeting, this morning. To my surprise, over summer, about six french lavender seedlings have self-seeded themselves in the garden. I made the mistake of digging three of them out, too early in summer. They died. But then, we did have a record hot, dry summer this year. I have been biding my time, to transplant the other three. They should be tough enough; they have survived summer with minimal care. Currently, the upcoming weather report is looking reasonably mild with possible maximums to only the high twenties (Celcius). It is looking a lot safer to dig them out. So, today I will be shovelling shit (and compost) into their new homes, in preparation for their move. Quite an appropriate metaphor, really.

I have previously mentioned that my garden relaxes me. The lavender seedlings are a reminder that, no matter how bad things are, some things can survive. My grandmother used to say 'What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger."  The woman was a font of knowledge! I too, can survive this chapter in my life and go on to rewrite the story.

And now for some gratuitous pics I have taken, of my husband who stands by me in my creative moods:

On Bullying against Free Thought

Intellectual discussions don't seem to be as popular now as when I was at university. I used to have the most fascinating discussions about space, space-time, bending space, black holes. I used to read the cutting edge articles and still watching docos and reading books on them. Forget the complex maths (my worst subject) but the theories and concepts are mind-bending and such fun to debate.

Philosophical  or theological discussions seem to be harder to have these days, as well. I have many friends with differing beliefs. It is fantastic! We often have to agree to disagree but have some really eye-opening, thought provoking discussions and debates along the way. But go further afield, and there seems many people who are not even wanting to entertain the thought of any alternative idea or knock down anyone who don't agree wholeheartedly with their point of view. 

I was brought up to believe that everyone has a right to their own point of view and that it is a good thing (an encouraged thing) to listen to their points of view. Even if  I didn't agree, I can find something interesting to discuss or end up on a totally unrelated (and usuallly very interesting) tangent. This creates a creative and  productive atmosphere, with intelligent, thoughtful debates on differing subjects, and a greater understanding of others, life the universe and everything.

I was encouraged to question things I believe, to explore my thoughts and others thoughts - and decide what I think - for myself. Most of all, I was encouraged to respect that others may not think the same way as me. That is what creates the variety and spice of life. However, more and more often, I now hear of bullying, monstering, flaming and downright oppression of ideas and concepts, particularly on the internet.  I am very saddened by this. People are missing out on so much when they only listen to one voice, only share one voice and ignore, or try to control, the many voices that create the choir of the world!

And now, this growing unaccepting culture is also trying to impact on writing and art. Art and writing is very personal. I do it to express my imagination and the many ideas that bombards me. It could take a decade , or more, before I get any measure of success that is credited by most of society. I have been told that I should write something more popular - popular fiction as opposed to speculative - that I should draw things that are more popular: they will sell better. Hmmm....

I do this gig because I simply cannot not write. I have to - even if it is not the most popular thing at the moment. I draw what I draw because I have to draw it. I make no excuse for that. I can do things for commission but what I love to draw will not change. It is me. 

Sadly, it seems that these days, some people want to be sheep and if you don't agree with the loudest alpha sheep, then the group tries to butt you out. Well, this chick ain't be shoved that easy. I will continue to listen to the world's choir and make up my own mind. I'd rather be a stubborn goat than a cloned sheep.

Hoarding Heartache?

Oh, my goodness!!! I am a hoarder! But I am trying very hard to be a reformed hoarder. 

I have lived, in my house, for over twenty years. In that time I have collected many things, including household items, collectibles, costumes, clothing that does not fit anymore ... and a mountain load of paper. Paper disguised as books, old art work and prose, recipes (that have never been used), reams of photocopied information on various interests such as Historical costume re-creation and multiple copies of  pictures that I once thought were cool. (some still are).  Over the years, we have added an attic and a front room extension to house the ever-expanding collection of 'stuff'. 

This year, I have been stronger; I have culled many ill-fitting items of clothing and donated them to charity or given them away on Freecycle. I am a big fan of reuse and recycle. Repurposing items is not only good for our environment, it is fun and saves you money! It is such a waste to throw perfectly useful items away, when they are inconvenient or just not wanted anymore.  I even have a FB page: Reuse, Recycle and Grow. 

This week we started to catalogue and rearrange three of our bookshelves (We have over nine more to go). Removed, was a whole shelf of spiral, plastic folders - the ones with the clear plastic slip in sleeves. The spines announced they held papers related to gloves, shoes, hose, headwear, blackwork, extant clothing and patterns; the list went on... and on... and on.. and...

Finally, I got the best of my procrastination, and decided to tackle the pile. After four hours of exhausting work ( and much sneezing with the dust kicked up), I now have half of the pile sorted resulting in thirteen empty folders, seven full ones and nine centimetres of used paper for our 'reuse pile' (great for scribble paper). So, it is Autumn and I am doing Spring cleaning. For me, it is best to organise and downsize when I am in a ruthless, culling mood before I give in and return half of the un-needed items to 'stash'.

Life can also be a hoarding exercise, collecting too much baggage and never letting any of it go. Many things can and should probably be forgotten, especially if they are causing heartache. I think I am finally reaching a point where I can let go  and maybe I can stop hoarding some of my stresses.

Today: another day, another cup of tea, another pile to cull...

Creating (or Surviving) in a Digital World.

And this, dear readers, is why I still prefer to draw with nib pen and ink, or a pen... It took me 30 minutes to sketch my ancient dragon, about an hour to ink him. Coloured him in GIMP in about 2 hours... took the REST of the day to work out the filters I had used on the writing... (now written down... a second time). Life was much less frustrating when I was avoiding any computer enhancements to my drawings! I keep getting told it will be useful, in the end... and that honestly,  I will end up preferring it. I do agree, it is much easier to change colours and compare them; I don't have to redraw the whole thing! Digital methods do save a lot of trees and I am always up for that. This is probably one of the main reasons I am still struggling with the computer for my drawing. But, I reserve the right to judge at a later stage...
For now, I am just so relieved that I have worked out the sequence for the 'Ancient Dragon' writing for the Roleplayer Series.. phew. #5 Ancient Dragon at Red Bubble.

What I do like the computer for, is writing. I can get things written faster (and much neater). I can change my mind, rewrite and save old versions... just in case. However, when I really get stuck and find it hard to put words to the screen, I still reach for my pen and recycled paper (I use the back of already used paper) and start writing. Sometimes it is hard to decipher what I have written, if I leave it too long to rewrite it, especially if it was written at 3 o'clock in the morning (which does happen!) I had a notepad by the bed and in my handbag. I have other notebooks in my 'office'.  I then re-type up these scribblings and often do re-write #1, at this stage.

When I was in high school, we used to get a week or two to write our assignments, short stories or essays. On the few occasions, that I followed the plan that we were set, I got the worst marks for essay writing. My most successful essays were being finalised on the morning they were due. I cringe when I think of it now but it wasn't as bad as it sounds.

I did have a method, not just the one suggested by the teacher. I would start by mulling over the topic, in my head. Sometimes a few paragraphs would spill out immediately. They were written down and put in a foolscap folder or notebook. I then used to let the words swim around in my brain, sometimes almost for the full time allotted. Two nights before, I would sit down and just write - whatever came into my head - usually a paragraph at a time.

Back before we all had computers, back before we all had scanners, back before writing software, I did it all by hand. I would number each handwritten paragraphs, then physically cut them out and rearrange them in an order that made sense. I would then write any bridging paragraphs that were required to make the essay  flow more coherently. The final stage, was rewriting the whole essay into a whole, ready to hand in. I would sometimes be sitting at the classroom door, writing up the final paragraphs. But it always got me an 19 or 20/20!

Not much has changed in my writing, really; the process is still essentially the same. If I try to write something too far ahead, it does not click and is often rewritten several times. Inspirational paragraphs or sentences can get laid down early but I need to let the prose rewrite itself in my mind, at least a few times before I commit it to paper, or screen. It is much quicker and easier to rearrange paragraphs or sentences with a programme. I often will give myself a deadline to work to, so that I have a timeline to aim for.

For this bit of prose, it was a morning start on the topic which changed twice as the words formed in my creative conscience, finally settling on wrestling with digital techniques. I wrote several paragraphs on drawing, with the emphasis shifting towards writing. I edited a several sentences, rearranged a few more, shuffled a couple of paragraphs and finally wrote another paragraph to complete the segue.

This morning, was a final read-through and some more editing. Hopefully, it will satisfy.

Where have all the artists gone?

Many of us know the words;

Where have all the soldiers gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the soldiers gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the soldiers gone?
Gone to graveyards every one
Will will they ever learn?
Will will they ever learn?

I heard this again, yesterday, just after reading an article on Amazon vs Indie Bookstores. Together, they echoed a discussion I had been having, intermittently with my husband, over the past week. (It is amazing how such co-incidents happen - a bit Twighlight zone... no not the vampire book ugh!). It will be very interesting to see how this actually plays out. There seems to be a lot of big companies trying to oust the little guy out right now. Screw 'em! Don't they realise that if they push out the individual, then the world loses independent thinking and ideas that would not have been born in the stifling atmosphere bread in closed off corporations?

There seems to be a lot of action in regards to copyright and stealing of copyright recently. There has been many articles showing up advising us that newspapers are trying to get payment for quotes from them. This may at first seem that they are championing copyright, but read carefully. What they want is to have your copyright and make money if you use as little as  5 words of (what would become) theirs!

Associated Press Expects you to pay license for 5 word quotes

and another one here. and in Canada it went to court: Is this Canadian Newspaper breaking Copyright Law?

What I find interesting is that, with Canadian Law - so far at least, has upheld Fair Dealing with several paragraphs being allowed. And in Australian law, it allows for parody. This makes sense. 

How are we supposed to allow for discussion or debate, if we cannot quote appropriate statements? Or is that what big newspapers want? They want to pontificate, to force the public to see their point of view but stop anyone from putting forward another point of view. Even more interesting, is that most newspapers use copy from other sources. They always have. How else can they get their stories? They cannot be omnipotent, no matter how much they blow their collective horns! Some now want to copyright their words, even just 5 of them. So they are justified in stealing, by their definition, copyrighted words of others? 

If they do succeed, will this only be for them or will the independent author benefit as well? Hang on, they can print what THEY want due to freedom of speach...so screw the independents with not enough money to fight them? ugh.

Then there are artists. In Ausrtralia, as soon as you create a piece of work, art or writing, it has automatic copyright. This is how it should be. There are programmes and websites, such as Tineye and Google Image Search that help track down stolen copyrighted art.

I have some friends who are fantastic artists but, even in my small circle, I know of two who have had their work stolen, copied and sold from under them. One has a court case pending, so I will not name her. The thieves have stolen exact images, not even changed to claim a parody! Now that is not only illegal and immoral but downright lazy! Yet, they get away with it. I am hoping my friend - an independent artist - wins her battle. For a battle it is!

Hopefully the 'shit hitting the fan' with copyright theft and fights for restrictions and large companies trying to control all copyright, with end up with a backlash and in the ashes, the individual artist/writers benefiting and not having their livelihood stolen from them. Think about it! Look at the movies coming out of Hollywood over the years. Many are remakes or based on old television shows (the movie moguls are betting the current generation do not know shows) or comics. There are very little original movies, these days. Most that are, are from books, written independently from movie corporations. If the individual has their ideas stolen from them, we would only have large corporations (with the money to win in court) dictating this area of our PRIVATE lives as well; they will restrict what we see and hear and in the end what we can produce and think. Hello Big Brother.

What if the artists went on strike? Why should they produce artwork or books or movies, if they are to only have it stolen? Then who will create the original novels, comics, art, film, tv and images that our modern society craves? 

Just think about it.... while we are allowed. ... how does one copyright private thoughts, I wonder?

Let loose the dogs of war!

(which by the way is more than the five words!)

Myths and Legends...

Humankind has always shown creative imagination. Cave paintings can be found in Europe, Africa, Australia and many parts of the world. They tell stories about past lives and possibly the hopes of those who created these works of art. When humans started questioning their lives and the Universe, the communicated this via their art as well; Australian Aboriginal art tells stories of the Dreamland. Even before writing, humans were telling stories, weaving words to create myths and legends, many of which echo through many continents. We all share heroes and heroines, adventures of daring do, strange lands and fantastical creatures. 

My favourite is the dragon. They are large, beautiful, strong, powerful and intelligent; testosterone with wings, beauty and wiles. All of humanities strengths wrapped up in glistening armour-hard scales and (in my early-childhood-Tolkein-influenced view) encrusted with sparkling, precious jewels. Gob-smackingly beautiful. With wing-spans almost as big as a house, their muscles have to be powerful and just about every story has a dragon who outwits its attackers. Beauty, brawn and brains too!

Artistically, this has always caused me a problem. Just one day, I would love to draw a butch dragon however, when I try to draw terrifying dragons, they always end up looking cutsey. Not good unless they are aiming for lulling adventurers into a false sense of superiority. (hmm... could be an idea...) Solution: Draw just a fraction of one... Dragons are so large that we would rarely see all of it in one glance - plus I love drawing eyes... 

Roleplayer series #3 Dragons eye at Redbubble (also in print and direct sale badges and Portable Art)

While looking for a second creature drawing, for this series, I was reminded of the Cockatrice. These are interesting creatures; part chicken/Rooster and (guess what!) part Dragon! Maybe I could make this look a little more menacing? Big sharp beak and curved claws are menacing. (Have you ever been chased by an angry, territorial Rooster? Trust me - scary, painful stuff). Still not sure if it is nasty though. Maybe it was having a good day? Available at Redbubble - Roleplayer series#4 Cockatrice.

 

So, from pre-historic art, to myths, to cockatrice, to t-shirts; that is the segue for today. Happy Adventuring!

(and don't eat too many Easter eggs)

Sneak preview of new artwork

Drawing mojo is back online and I have been doodling again. It is amazing how often, I start drawing one thing and it metamorphises itself into something completely different. I must be channeling octopi again...

This started as a purely Steampunk styled drawing of a space ship and I just had to put an ocotpus in. But, of course, they can't breathe in space, can they? So I added a little ship attatchment for him as well, with porthole-like windows for him to be able to see. His job? A stand-in for the articulated claws, extending from the space ship for manipulations and for repairs, of course!

Initially, it looked more like an airship or a metallic balloon. As I had already drawn a Deep Sea Ballooning Octopus, I wanted this to look more like a space ship. I added some planetoids (could end up being more moon-like) and a wibbly, wobbly, spacey, wacey bit of atmosphere that will end up with a starry night feel, if my GIMP-foo works out and I learn how to do some starry add-ons later.

Just as I was about to ink, I had an urge to add a Victorian-Steampunk astronaut doing a space walk... to retrieve his top hat. Leaving it at that, there was now more nib work. This one took a little longer than usual as I could not decide on the final positions of the octopus's legs and I changed the shape of the bell at the bottom.

While waiting for the main image to dry, I could still not decide whether I wanted to keep the spacey background...

I know I have mentioned how computers and I have a love-hate relationship. I doubt this will ever really change. Can't teach an old dog new trick, my mum used to say... though my old cat seems to be quite wily and often surprises us....

Layers, layers, layers. I had to use layers for this image. One for the spacescape and another for the main subject. I must admit that one advantage of the computer, over hand-colouring, is the ease in which it can be altered, erased or changed without having to redraw the inkwork. In this case, it also allowed me to ink the main subject and then ink the spacey background separately. In this way, I could add the layers, then decide whether to keep the background, or leave it off. Much easier than trying to remove the ink afterwards!

I have three versions now and can't make up my mind which to make as the final t-shirt version. Which do you prefer?

Board games in the dark...

Last night was Earth Hour. This means we turned our power off (except for the fridge) from 8.30 pm til 9.30pm.  Not a big deal really. We listened to the crickets and played board games, as a family. One of my freinds says it is a crock, as the power stations still supply power and nothing is saved. I disagree and I don't apologise. I have been harping on about renewable energy, and water wastage since the 1980s. (Possibly something to do with being a farm girl, with generated power and water tanks)

Earth hour started, in Sydney Australia, seven years ago. (We have participated every year, so far). It is  meant to help raise awareness about climate change, the environment. Last year, over 7000 cities and 152 countries took part in Earth Hour.  Earth Hour is not just about using less power; this year the main slant was to get people thinking about alternative, renewable energy and think seriously about changing the household to solar power. I have had solar power, at home, for almost four years now. When I was in high school, we were the only people we knew that had solar hot water.

Earth hour also brings me some peace and quiet and solace from an ever-quickening world. The television is off. The computers are shut down. There is no music. Just the family, usually a board game and the crickets outside. Some years we read books, by candlelight. (Not the electronic kind; they use power!). It is a hour of conversation, free of electronic garble and always recharges my batteries (pardon the pun). Why are some people so scared of just an hour without electronic devices?

mobile phone pic as we began ....

It is not just households that join in. Sydney Opera House, the Eiffel Tower, the Empire State building, the Great Pyramids at Giza and even Las Vagas strip have taken part, all turning the power off for Earth Hour. This is more monumental than you think. People will see the lights go off, at these very prominent places, and maybe they will wonder if they can do it too! Pledges are made to turn off; if power companies are on the ball, they will not have to produce so much power and energy is conserved. 

If nothing else, Earth Hour serves to make us aware of how much power we overuse, or waste, every day. How can you make a difference? Turn power switches off at the wall when you are not using an appliance. We have remote control power boards; with one press all of the electrical equipment gets turned off at night. If you use an airconditioner; keep it no cooler/hotter than 23 degC. The larger the difference you try to cool or heat to, the more power is used. Use rechargable batteries, especially if they are solar rechargable. Sweep instead of vacuuming. Sun dry clothes instead of using a dryer. Read a book. A real one! 

So, as you can probably guess, I do not think it is a crock and it is definately not a waste of time. There are a lot of things you can do with the lights off.