(This is a mirror site of my webpage karenjcarlisle.com)

Friday, June 21, 2013

Second Guessing and Over Thinking Things.

I have always had gut feelings about things. About people. About stories. About my actions. I often get 'vibes' from people. There is something that just says they are lying or they are good people. Usually I am right. I recently did a survey for a research project that was investigating how accurately people judge facial expressions. I got 34 out of the 36 correct. The average was about 25. 

My husband hates it, when we are watching a 'who-dunnit' movie and within the first fifteen minutes (or so), I declare they did it. Often I am right. Sometimes it is obvious. Sometimes I don't know why; it is just a gut feeling that I have. Maybe it is a subconscious noting of body language and facial expressions and subtle clues.

With my stories, I go with my gut much of the time. I will get a rough idea of what the storyline is and the characters that reside there. From there, I let it flow. I have remarked before that sometimes the characters have a mind of their own and can take a story in a totally different direction than I had envisaged. Unfortunately, this also means that sometimes they are stubborn and won't do anything. I am trying new methods to avoid this situation now (a story spreadsheet was one recommendation. We shall see how this works in the future.) 

However during the past year, I have been second-guessing myself. I am told this happens with the stress which has plagued me for the past year. I am told that I should not doubt myself. I keep getting told don't over think things. I am trying. 

Today, I finished inking up two scrolls I have been working on. After a few days drying, they were finally ready to have a few ink mistakes corrected (now done) and tidied up with the pencil drawings now removed. I had worked out the colours and was ready to paint. 

Then doubt crept in and I second-guessed myself. I wavered. I procrastinated. I did a little more research (always a good procrastination tool) and then decided it was too late to start painting today. I was over thinking everything. My confidence was down.

I have been learning ways of relieving stress, reducing my over thinking and trusting my 'gut' again. My writing has been very cathartic in my struggles this year. It has been one of the few things that has remained stress free and I has continued to strengthen my confidence. 

My 'gut' has also not failed me with my photography (and usually my art. Today was annoying.) When I can't write, I draw, design or take photographs. Today when I was debating colour schemes, I grabbed my camera and revisited that mushroom out front. It has now got a sibling! In the fading afternoon light, I snapped some photos  of them, this time with my Canon and not just impromptu phone camera shots. This was one of my favourites, taking advantage of the natural lighting of golden glow of the late afternoon.

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