I am late with this post today, as I have been sitting (and lying) in the local hospital Emergency Department for the past three hours. This morning I woke with petrified with fear, as my pulse was galloping; I could not keep up with it. Even more worrying was the pain that was in my chest area, my shoulders and down my left arm.
I had not thought that my ‘day job’ had been that stressful yesterday. There were a few ‘interesting’ moments but I had thought I had handled it well. Obviously my subconscious had another idea. I had a very bad dream (the attending physician said it was a nightmare); I had thought it was not that bad.
After hours of wires and questions and listening to the machine that goes beep, I finally got wheeled into the x-ray room. As I had been coughing for the past week, he just wanted to make sure that there was nothing we were missing. This was a prudent decision but I am not happy with the results…
I now have an appointment with the GP to look into possibly asthma and cervical bone damage (possibly relating to a car accident I had back in 1989). The good news, at least,, is that my heart seems all fine. It was a strong ‘flight or fright’ response and the muscle pain is most likely due to the … yes… coughing over the past week.
So all is now returning normal in our household, except that I must start admitting that I am not as young as I once was. I cannot wish these things away, nor pretend they never happened. It is enlightening to confront my own thoughts when in this situation. I was not (and am not) ready to throw in the towel as yet; I have too many things I want to do before I leave this world. I found myself reaching for my notebook (once the situation looked less dire) and scribbling some word, a story starting to form…
Closer to Death I come
but you will not have me today.
In the end, even with this reminder of my mortality, I can hear these words: I may have to grow old but I do not have to grow up .
Go hug a loved one today!
A Reminder of my Mortality